3 Ways to Set Your Kids (And Yourself) Up for Daily Success
I had my son at the age of 22, which means my knowledge of life and the way things worked was basically zero. Based on literally nothing, I knew I was going to be a fantastic mom. Certainly, I knew I was going to do better than my own mother. She was a slave driver, and I wasn’t going to let my precious baby boy be raised with tyrannical virtues such as responsibility and discipline.
Being a person who often flew by the seat of her pants, my parenting was loose. “Easy-going,” I would say. “Go with the flow.” I scoffed at my mother’s idea that my son needed a responsibility chart and that I needed lunches packed and laundry washed and folded the night before. That was too restrictive.
My flow was ok when he was a baby. I was waitressing at night, so our days were like a slowly trickling stream; calm and serene. Pajamas until lunch time. Snacks whenever. Chores when necessary. A clean batch of wrinkled clothes in a laundry basket was not an issue for me. You can slap a onesie and some socks on a baby and keep it moving.
But whenever a structured event was approaching, the flow would get a little rocky. I was always late and, therefore, always flustered. When I was flustered I would bark orders. “Get your shoes on!!!” I would yell. My poor toddler would do his best, but where were the shoes? What about the shirt I had asked him to get on while Mommy put the finishing touches on her makeup? I would throw an outfit on him, only to realize that the shirt I needed wasn’t clean. Then I would yank it off and stomp around until I came up with a plan b. Once that was in order, I would grab the baby bag, grab the baby, and rush to the car in a frenzy of agitation.
“That was an isolated incident,” I would say to myself, “I just need to start getting ready earlier.”
Then my son started school. I would rush us out the door to before-care, so I could barely make it to my job, then rush back home to pick him up from after-care, then rush home to get dinner on the table, then rush the boy into the tub, yell about picking up some toys, and then fall asleep with my phone on my face, just to start the process again tomorrow. So easy-going. Just going with the flow.
But my flow sucked. It didn’t even really occur to me that I had to change some things until my son’s first progress reports came home. “Friendly and polite, but distracted and disorganized. Often missing items and not completing assignments.”
It felt like the progress report was about me. “Friendly and polite, but distracted and disorganized. Often missing items and not completing tasks that will set the day up for success.”
Even though it seems like completely obvious common mom-sense now, I realized something: my bad habits were rubbing off on my child. What a revelation!
“Things need to change around here,” I announced, “We need routines and we need responsibility charts!” My mother rolled her eyes.
Over a decade later, I am happy to say that most of my days flow pretty smoothly. My son is performing well in school. He knows where his things are. He’s well groomed. We are calmer. Our mornings and evenings are actually enjoyable. I realized that not being “restricted” by chores and routines was really restricting my family’s ability to relish our day.
So without further ado, here are the 5 “restrictive” things I have put in place to set my family up for daily success and to practice good habits with my son.
Post the daily routine - This is something I learned as an elementary school teacher. Kids love routine and they love knowing what’s coming next. It calms them and reduces anxiety. It makes them feel proud when they know what’s going on and can act accordingly. This doesn’t mean you need to make a new schedule each day, just something general. For example, a very basic schedule could look like this:
Breakfast
Get Dressed and Wash Up
Tidy Room 1
School
Snack & Homework
Play Outside
Evening Grooming
Tidy Room 2
Reading Hour
Bedtime
2. Create a morning, afternoon, and evening responsibility chart - In the same vein as the schedule, make 3 little responsibility charts for your child; one for each part of the day. You can laminate them and post them on the wall with a dry erase marker attached so your child can have the satisfaction of checking things off himself! At one point I had been doing stickers for my son, but you’d be surprised how involved that can get. I like the dry erase method because it’s more environmentally friendly and it teaches the child to take responsibility for themselves. When they’re done checking everything off of their list for the specific time of day they can show you with pride! That would actually be a nice time to give a single sticker, but also just cheering excitedly will be just as appreciated. Below are some simple examples for each time of day:
Morning- Brush teeth, wash face, make bed, get dressed, put away breakfast dishes, get backpack and lunchbox by the door
Afternoon- Put up shoes, coat, and backpack; clean up any snack-time materials, complete homework, pack backpack up for the next day
Evening- Take a bath, brush teeth, put on pajamas, tidy room, lay out items for the next morning
3. Have organized stations - Having the necessary things grouped together to complete a task is game-changing. Something about searching the house for something you need is just exhausting. Modern life is hectic, and having systems in place is the best way to streamline the mundanities of life. Below are a few areas that benefit from having stations.
Mudroom - You don’t have to have an actual mudroom for this, just find a space near the door and designate it as an onloading and offloading area. A little shoe rack, a place to hang coats and scarves, another place to hang backpacks and purses, and an area to put keys. Some people also put a little container here for their mail. This station helps you and your kids get in and out of the door in an orderly manner. How awesome is it to not be running around looking for your keys when you should have left for work 5 minutes ago?
Homework- A small desk would be ideal, but even a bin placed by the kitchen table will do just fine. This should have all the materials necessary for completing homework: pencils, pencil sharpener, paper, notebooks, calculator, etc. When your child gets home from school, he or she knows to grab a snack and head over to the homework station.
Lunch - A designated lunch cabinet in the kitchen is perfect for this. Place all lunch necessities in this cabinet: lunch boxes, thermoses, napkins, plastic utensils. If your cabinet is big enough, another shelf could be designated for pantry snacks so that your little one can start to pack their own lunch. In the fridge, having a sandwich bin is super useful. When it’s time to make sandwiches for the next day, just pull the whole bin out onto the counter. This should have everything your family uses to make sandwiches: deli meat, cheese, mayo, mustard, jelly… whatever you guys use regularly! This eliminates the back and forth from the counter to the refrigerator. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but all those small movements get annoying and make you lazy.
Breakfast- This isn’t something I grew up with, but it really does streamline breakfast and it fosters independence in children because it eliminates searching for items or having to reach on too-high shelves. Grab one of those kitchen carts and set your station up with all the non-refrigerated breakfast items your family enjoys. For us, this includes the coffee maker, the coffee, sugar, mugs, and a bowl of fruit on the top shelf. On the second shelf, we have the cereal in pourable tupperware containers, bowls, and spoons. All my son has to do is choose a fruit, choose a cereal, and grab milk. Someone else’s breakfast station may include a toaster and cutting board with a loaf of bread, a glass dome filled with muffins or croissants, or a bin of breakfast bars. Customize it to your family’s needs.
Closet - So this may seem extra, but I promise that it will alleviate just another level of thought in the mornings. Set you and your children’s outfits up in the closet for the week, ahead of time. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all get a hanger. The hanger will have pants, a shirt, underwear, socks, and a sweater or whatever extra clothing is applicable for the season. Put those outfits in your closet, in order. When your child wakes up in the morning, he knows exactly what to reach for. And you get to enjoy a few extra moments of peace with your coffee because you aren’t scrambling trying to get outfits together.
Bathroom Caddy- As a woman, I already have multiple grooming stations in place. I have a hair product and tool bin, a makeup basket, and a skin care tray. Because my son’s grooming routine is so much less involved, I hadn’t put much thought into organizing his stuff. Yet, I kept hearing myself reminding him, “Did you brush your teeth? Did you comb your hair? How about washing your face?” Putting all of the items necessary in a little bathroom caddy was a great solution. When it was time to get ready, he could pull it out and all the items inside reminded him of what he needed to do: a toothbrush and toothpaste, a washcloth and soap, and a hair brush. Once he’s used all of the things in his caddy, he knew he was done and could put it away.
It may seem like a lot of work, but the work was only upfront. Once I had all these systems and routines in place, I really felt like I could relax more. My son knew what was expected and, therefore, could naturally grow more and more independent. I had everything under control and wasn’t yelling or scrambling. My own calm demeanor permeated throughout the house and rubbed off on my child. Now we really are easy-going and our flow actually… flows!